Have you seen the newish show on Lifetime called The Conversation? Amanda de Cadenet hosts and each week has excerpts of interviews with women from a variety of professions: designers, musicians, politicians and writers. It’s not your usual scripted stuff plugging projects but conversations about work and weight, men and marriage, juicy, real stuff. This past week Donna Karan was one of the guests. After talking openly about losing her mentor (Anne Klein) and her husband, Ms. Karan was asked “how do you feel about your body?” Her answer was “never good enough”. I don’t know if many women would be this honest but I have a hunch many feel this way.
It doesn’t have to do with not knowing what’s “really” important. I’ve seen a determination to lose weight or reshape in clients going through divorces and illness. I remember Jen spoke about the importance of caring about your appearance when sick as it was a sign to her and her doctor that she was invested in the present and the future. She told her doctors “I will be fat or bald but not both.” In some ways vanity is part of living, maybe part of being female (if you’re female).
“Not good enough” often exists among type A personalities. It’s part of a type A-er’s inner dialogue to be better and constantly improve. My friend Aidan’s Rowley recently posted “Do you love your body?” She wrote:
I would love to be one of those loud and proud creatures who exudes confidence about her shape. One of those souls who is all about self/strength above society/size. One of those mothers who proclaims: I love every inch of this body and what it has done!
But let’s be real for a minute. I am not one of these people.
But let’s be real for a minute. I am not one of these people.
I couldn’t believe the replies. Comment after comment detailed body dissatisfaction. It made me wonder, with so much made of beauty at any size and loving the skin you’re in, does anybody? Scratch that, I know people do, my mother does (a whole other story).
I love Donna Karan’s work and I’m a huge fan of the Urban Zen Centers she created. She seems to “get it”. So to hear her, still fighting the body stuff upset or surprised me. I feel more at ease with my body than I did in my teens or 20s though I’ve always been a similar size and weight. I am grateful for a healthy body that’s able to run and bend but that’s different. I would describe my relationship with my body as improving but I get that “never good enough” thing. Do you?
Can you relate to what Donna Karan said? How do you feel about your body? Has this feeling changed or evolved over time? Do you expect to be thinking about your body in your 60s? Where do you think the body stuff comes from?
