Good sex is not gymnastic, or rose petal romantic, or Cosmo (or cosmo) inspired (At least not necessarily). Good sex has nothing to do with how old you are or how much you weigh. Good sex is about connection between two people. Jill Blakeway
Last week, our nanny handed me a package from Amazon. I stood next to her and opened it, inside were two books I had ordered. I didn’t think anything of it; I order books fairly often, too often actually. When I saw my nanny’s eyes staring at the book cover, I looked down and realized the Sex Again title caught her attention. I was completely embarrassed. I told her my acupuncturist wrote the book and I was blogging about it (all true) but instantly I felt like the teenager buying tampons for the first time. When I read Jill’s new book, it dawned on me how much being sexually healthy is really about being healthy. While it’s much easier for me to discuss chocolate, Jill has a way of making sex talk very comfortable. With Valentines Day looming, I thought the fabulous Jill Blakeway could enlighten us.
According to NYT your first book (Making Babies) made you a “fertility goddess”, how did you become a “sexpert”?
Many of my fertility patients have to have sex on a schedule when they are trying to conceive and many of them would tell me that it made sex less fun. Once they had children the situation got even worse they didn’t have much sex anymore and they didn’t even think about it. Some women would tell me that they wanted to want to have sex again. That sent me off on a journey researching some of the ancient Chinese medical texts. I started to with ancient Taoists texts about sex, some of which were 2000 years old. The first thing I noticed was that sex had not really changed much. Everything else is really different if you think about it. Clothes, medicine, food – all have changed beyond all recognition, but people are still having sex the same way they always were, so I realized I could help my patients by teaching them some of these ancient Taoist sexercizes.
I read about these books that were advocating sex everyday for a month or maybe it was a year but that seems a little extreme (to me) What is a normal amount to be having sex for those in a committed relationship?
That seems a little extreme to me too and I don’t think there’s a right amount of sex that people should be having. Quality trumps quantity too, in my opinion. Statistically Americans have sex 85 times a year, which is every 4.3 days. However 40 million adult Americans in couple relationships are not having sex at all and 1 in 3 women say they either don’t enjoy sex or don’t feel like having sex. I think that’s sad.
Sex is good for you. It’s good for your health, in that it lowers blood pressure, lowers heart rate, boosts immunity, burns calories, increases energy, relieves stress and improves mood. In fact having sex causes the release of a hormone called oxytocin, which is sometimes referred to as the bonding hormone. The ancient Taoists believed that the way people exchange energy during sex bonds them and balances their relationship.
I can see this information used by husbands everywhere, c’mon honey don’t you want a healthy immune system?
For me, all roads lead to food; ha I guess there are people who would complete that sentence with sex. Talk to me about food and sex. Aphrodisiacs? Herbs everyone should know about? I know you’ve written about l-arginine and ginseng.
I don’t think there’s one particularly aphrodisiac food, but many of the foods that are reputed to enhance your sex life have nutrients that can be helpful to resurrect a dwindling sex drive. For instance oysters are high in zinc, which is known to boost libido. Chili peppers increase circulation to get blood pumping and stimulate nerve endings which may make you feel more turned on. Avocados are a good source of vitamin E, which helps your body make hormones that are vital to a healthy sex drive. Chocolate contains the chemical phenylethylamine, a stimulant that makes you feel good in a way that makes sex seem like a great idea. I’m laughing, their may be some sexy side effects from Foodtraining.
As for herbs, there’s no one size fits all solution. In the book help people identify why they don’t want sex. Are they too tired? Do they feel unsexy? Are they too stressed? And then I suggest herbs for these specific issues. It seems, like eating, sexual issues aren’t really the issue but a symptom of something else. What aboutValentines Day love it or hate it? And how important is chocolate to you?
Love it! Anything that helps you focus on your connection with your other half has to be a good thing, don’t you think? (Shush, don’t tell Jill I don’t agree or maybe I’ll change, she’s so convincing). I love chocolate; in fact in the book we have several chocolate exercises including a chocolate meditation and a chocolate kiss.
Now you’re talking, let’s hear about this chocolate kiss.
Chocolate and kissing stimulate the mind and body in very similar ways— with chocolate actually producing the more intense and longer-lasting response. Both kissing and chocolate induce brain states that are alert yet relaxed—and decrease anxiety. Both rev up your heartbeat—in a good way. Chocolate has some unfair advantages, like the mental stimulants caffeine and theobromine and the serotonin-assisting tryptophan. Chocolate also provides a “natural high” thanks to the release of the dopamine that its sugar and fat content triggers in the brain.
But the chocolate feature I ask my readers to take advantage of is the conveniently sexy way it melts at body temperature. Try taking a bite of chocolate and, with it melting in your mouth, kiss. Enjoy the silky smoothness, as well as the extra sensory stimulation. Or try passing a piece of chocolate back and forth with your partner while you kiss. Can’t think of anything better to do with a Kiss! No I can’t, that’s my kind of “sexercise” and let’s remind everyone that one piece of chocolate is plenty no chocolate binge to put you in the mood.
Now Jill, I have a complex, when come in for stress-management and muscle soreness or as you say because “I’m one of those stressy types” don’t go putting those needless in other places. I don’t want to be the horny Foodtrainer.
Well funnily enough the same acupuncture points that I use for stress also increase sex drive. Releasing tension in the body allows energy to circulate, including sexual energy. When someone is tight and stressy, like a pressure cooker, it’s hard for them to feel their body let alone enjoy the feeling in their body. Oh my goodness and Marc gets acupuncture too.
Jill’s book is extremely informative and I recommend it highly. She’s generously offered to give away a copy, don’t be shy. To enter, comment below and tweet us @Foodtrainers by Valentines’ day and tell me why it’s embarrassing to write or talk about sex. Or tell us if you’d try the chocolate kiss.
I mentioned to Jill what happened when I opened the Amazon package and without missing a beat she said “maybe you need to get a copy for your nanny too.” Can you imagine?
If you’d like to order Jill’s book (great V Day present) you can do so here; for more information about the YinOva Center, visit their website.
