Recently I applauded Kim Cattrall’s admission that she watches what she eats as a refreshing departure from teeny celebrities professing their love for burgers and big portions. And then yesterday I got a kick out of an article in the New York Times “ For Actresses, Is Big Appetite Part of the Show?“ on this exact subject.” In this article experts debate the reasons why actresses profess their love of fattening food and why we all want to read about it. It was noted that these declarations appear most often in men’s magazines. Padma Lakshmi, the host of Top Chef, went on to describe women eating a lot as a male fantasy after which the author wrote “two things we need to survive in life are food and sex or love. Food for our bodies, and love for our hearts. So what is better than the archetypical image of a woman eating succulent, dripping, greasy, comforting food?”
OK so let’s forget the words succulent, dripping and greasy (ew). The question I have is: do men find women eating a lot sexy or appealing? My first thought is that men, and by that I mean the stereotypical man who reads these male magazines, wouldn’t find it as sexy if the woman doing the eating was larger or older (see photo for confirmation). This is so hard to say in any remotely politically correct manner but the burger or rib eater’s perceived sexiness most likely determines that degree to which her hefty eating is sexy.
But aside from the idea of women’s eating as sexy or a fantasy, do men like their women to eat a lot? I wonder if you polled 100 men if they would prefer their partners to eat
a) a burger and fries
b) a burger
c) a salad
d) nothing-
what the majority would say. As a serious salad eater, it elicits surprise from my husband when I veer from my normal course. And yet I don’t sense any outpouring of desire when my food choices are “greasy.” I can, however, appreciate a good scotch (just one) and love to watch sports and I have a sense that my husband likes these less prissy qualities. So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my salad eating is the equivalent of his toothpaste residue in the sink- something that’s not ideal but not worth making a fuss over.
And what about the converse, what do women like their men to eat (which just came out so wrong)? It would make some sense that females who eat healthy fare would like their men to also but I think there’s a fine line here. We want our men, at least I do, to be able to eat healthy food but we don’t want them ordering “dressing on the side.” Amenable but not high maintenance, that sounds about right.
Slender women chowing down (as if they do it daily) is no different from the super skinny woman with giant boobs or the actress shown waking up in the morning perfectly made up and coiffed. There’s something a little hard to believe about each of these examples. The irony is that hot-to-trot Kim Cattrall, was the most honest about all of this and who’s sexier that she is?
Does your partners food choices turn you on or off? Do you think a woman eating unhealthy food is sexy to men? What would you do (ladies) if your husband ordered “dressing on the side?”
well…they dislike it when you just ordered a salad in a restaurant…but they dislike it even more if you are fat…they want you eat a lot and still keep slim sexy figure..and I don't think they really think women eating unhealthy junk food is sexy…is just like men who eat healthy and constantly on a diet are unnecessary sexy either.
Interesting post, Lauren. While I do think men find it annoying when a woman only eats salads, I also don't think constantly biting into something greasy is all that attractive. It really is a fine balance. I do agree with you that unfortunately the size of the woman plays a role in how a man would react to her eating habits.
As for a man ordering dressing on the side, that would not be ok. I know, it's totally a double standard.
I honestly believe that men prefer women who aren't uptight about what they eat, whatever that may be. If a confident woman orders a salad I can't see why a man would mind but if she orders the salad, picks out the almonds, fusses over the calorie content and then sends it back because she ordered dressing on the side then I can imagine that the enjoyment has been effected for all parties at that table. My boyfriend doesn't eat all that well (although he is getting better) and I would rather see him eat a healthy dinner then a greasy burger any day! I think that somehow for women greasy foods have somehow become synonymous for "carefree" or "fun loving" because sometimes healthy eating has been given a bit of a bad rep.
I think the stereotypical men you refer to like women that are "easy"/low maintenance and therefore the idea of a woman being able to seamlessly eat cheeseburgers then look great in a bikini with no discussion in between. When I read this post my mind went to some Jessica Simpson video, where she has a plate of ribs or wings, and has sauce all over her face. I'm not sure what the exact message was there, but it was something to the extent of "I don't care/try but am still hot," which may be just what men are looking for.
I think Lisa nailed it…men like low maintenance, coupled w/ hot. Sad thing is that hot takes work, which doesn't feel low maintenance. My husband finds healthy hot, and he also finds the fact that I cook hot. But he's never asked me to roll around in BBQ sauce…
Exactly as above. I just don't think they realize the extent of what has to be done after eating a cheeseburger 🙂
Joy or enjoyment hasn't been mentioned here at all, and that is what food is to me, especially in social situations. It is so much fun to share, to try new things, to talk about what you are eating–that is joy! I think what men want to see their wives/girlfriends do is enjoy their food–they want to be in joyful situations with their partners. Who wants to go to dinner with someone who is wanly picking at a heap of arugula? Even if they are stick skinny?? Seriously, what is THAT girl going to be like in bed? Wah….yawn.
(slow golf applause)…Good point, Carrie!
I am all for joy in food and can derive and express equal pleasure from a piece of poached salmon as a plate of french fries. We know the girl who eats nothing my d) above or your "arugula picker" sounds like no fun but if we're all enjoying our food/fun and good company is the "bring it on mac and cheese" preferred over tiliapia?
not that I care what's preferred but love to evaluate/debate.
I think the idea of unbridled eating is a turn on to anyone. To be able to sit down at a restaurant and order what you want without the pink elephant of calorie counts, fat grams and "how much did I work out today?" plopped in the center of the table. I think that the actresses that were discussed in the NYT article may eat like that with a journalist present specifically to send the message to the public; " look I EAT!" All I have to say about that is: "PLEASE". Drew Barrymore is tiny–there is NO WAY she is curled up eating boxes of Kraft mac in bed on a daily basis. These actresses log HOURS in at the gym on a daily basis–if they want to splurge in front of a journalist and have us ALL think that they eat In 'n Out every other day, then WE are choosing to have the wool pulled firmly over our eyes. As for what real men want? They want a woman who can order the burger and fries from time to time and really enjoy it, but be conscious enough to know that a walk home that night and a trip to the gym the next morning is in order pronto. BALANCE.
fun post I like that my hubby is health conscious but when he gets good Indian food eats his fill he he
Honestly, I think when the Hollywood women say they eat a lot, it really just means they eat a lot of junk food (but it's portion controlled). If you look at the food diaries on websites like GrubStreet, the celebrities eat a whole lot of crap like French fries, potato chips, soft drinks, etc. The girls equate this to eating a lot, but really they are just eating crap. I've noticed that a lot of thin people who are not naturally that way tend to eat a lot of crap, but it's portioned controlled so they don't gain weight. People who have true control over their weight eat "quality" foods and portion control them. You'd think it would be the other way around, that people who can control their weight naturally would eat crap, but it isn't.
My husband tells me he loves that I eat what I want when I want , no matter how very odd or foreighn it is to him. He likes that I suggest new things , but dont force him to try anything. He says it seems an exotic flare. I just laugh.
I really think these days, super skinny women who eat salads all day is something that turns men off. So men are so used to hearing about women "going on diets" that when they see a slender, fit women eating a bunch of greasy food, it turns them on and makes them think, "she's normal!". I get the same reaction when I tell men I love beer. They always say, "wow! what a women!" or something like that. It's like I am automatically on their level since I don't prefer sipping red wine.
Great post 🙂
Another really interesting post. Here's my take: I think men like to see that women are open-minded, willing to eat mac and cheese along with their salads. I think women probably also like to see that men are willing to be abstemious at times with their food. I think this is an example of balance is a good thing. I would never want to be with a man who solely ate chicken wings and I wouldn't expect a man to want to be with me if I never veered from the salad route. Does that make sense?
Aidan you bring up a good point about balance and I think that's a reasonable goal for all of our eating. I do feel and Jen, Lisa and Marie mentioned it that there's also an unrealistic expectation here. The steady burger eater isn't rocking a bikini (for the most part). Rei- loved your point about being an adventurous eater, I think that's a quality nobody has touched on. And Gina- I'm with you on the beer. Men do tend to like less prissy or more manly maybe unexpected eating/drinking. That was my scotch point. I am left with a little sense though that a lot of this has a fantasy element. Women are supposed to be carefree or openminded or easy going and yet look a certain way. It's like when a man tells a woman not to yell at the kids to "relax" but the kids need discipline.
A thought provoking post…. I don't think my husband really cares WHAT I eat as long as I DO eat ( which, trust me, I do!). One of my friends is super skinny and he will always comment "She needs to eat more!". I appreciate it that he prefers a "healthy" "athletic" physique. I completely agree with the comments that most men prefer a "low maintenance" woman, and not someone who will pick around at her salad plate.
I read that article too, and found it interesting. As a mostly vegetable eater, I ironicly love to see my husband eat a lot. He likes to eat a lot too — and manages to stay pretty skinny. I think it makes me happy because I know he is being nourished. If he ate what I ate, he'd be at an unhealthfully low weight. But if I ate what he did, I'd be overweight (believe me, I tried!). Like other readers have said, balance is key. I would eat a stack of gluten free waffles drizzled with maple syrup and keep eating until I was stuffed, but I would balance it out by having healthier breakfasts for the rest of the week. Having treats makes life beautiful, but taking care of your body is also important, too.
Luckily, my husband doesn't care what I eat, as long as I'm eating enough (which isn't a problem — I love to eat!) and I'm enjoying it. It is a strange message that these celebrites are sending out, eating huge greasy meals and looking fantastic at the same time. It makes their bodies more unobtainable and more confusing.
If my husband ordered his dressing on the side I'd probably be shocked. I do this all the time though – not necessarily because of weight issues but more because I hate a drenched salad.
Honestly though, I think that men would rather a girl eat a steak with him but still be thin as a rail. Most probably want the best of both worlds.
This is a really eye-opening post though – I love that you have me thinking! I just had to come out of lurkdom to say that.
While my family was chowing down at an Italian restaurant this past Saturday night, my sister's boyfriend commented how I always have a plate of food in front of me, while eyeing everyone else's food, taking tastes from everyone, and then go on to finish my plate. That being said, I have my moments where I order my dressing on the side and if my husband did so, I'd be okay with it as long as he didn't become obsessive compulsive and annoying about eating healthy!
what a great topic! i supect men *think* they want a woman with a large appetite (they want someone they can eat with) but deep down they appreciate a woman who keeps an eye on her figure, and let's face it, the two don't always go hand in hand. that would be a nice fantasy though! 🙂
Angela, agree. And while we're on the fantasy I'd love to eat the terrible-for-you food, not gain weight and not have my health suffer too. I'd like to drink and not get hangovers and run as many miles as I want with ease and speed. I'd like to never get wrinkles and always have good hair- puleez, right?
Speaking as a guy . . .
Eating gives a guy a chance to show manners.
and a woman a chance to show she is into him.
(fat skinny doesn't matter. . . enthusiasm dose)
To a man eating with a woman is a trial. He must not burp, use a napkin, eat slowly. He most also pay at least for the first meal to act with care towards his fellow dinner. This is a man trying to appear his best. That he can calm in subservience to the guest.
What women do not understand is that it's an invitation. Dinner is a chance for a woman to show dominance and to show that you care by dropping your female manners just a little.
1. Order a decent meal, not salad but not lobster.
2. Use your hands, finger food. Dinner role.
3. Enjoy the food, smack your lips, Mmmm good.
The size of the girl or the food doesn't matter. What matters is in his mind he has made the meal possible. The more you eat, and the more you enjoy the meal . . . the better he feels.
Men want women to eat Mac and Cheese because men want women to be robots with on/off buttons on their backs. Pushing the button will turn off all of the woman's needs and wants, effectively putting her into a coma.
The ultimate male fantasy: The man turns on the woman when he wants sex or food. The rest of the time, he turns her off and stores her in a dark closet where he can put her out of his mind.
Or so goes the myth of the "Low Maintence Woman."
Sad but true.
hahaha i prefer a salad… note that I'm a complete heterosexual male hahaha!