On more than one occasion, my husband and I have found ourselves watching a show that airs on ABC Friday nights called “What Would You Do?” Using actors, actresses and hidden cameras the show sets up certain scenes: someone banging another person’s car or a woman breast feeding at a restaurant or a parent harshly scolding a child and tapes how strangers respond. It’s fun to see who speaks their mind or sticks up to someone and of course how people feel when they find out that the scene wasn’t real. This past Friday’s show placed an overweight woman at a restaurant ordering large amounts of unhealthy fare. The actor-waiter was scripted to inform her it was “a lot of food” or suggest healthier alternatives. His suggestions were presented with varying degrees of malice.
Some fellow patrons stuck up for the woman telling the waiter he was “rude” or that it wasn’t his business (my husband pointed out that much of the outrage came from equally overweight customers). Others, though in the minority, felt the waiter was trying to be helpful. While watching the show, I was filled with “can you imagine if this actually happened?” but I feel differently after mulling this over. I’m wondering if there isn’t a tactful way to do this. If we could eliminate the meanness, is there a way a waiter could steer people in a healthy direction much like a register person asks if you want fries with your order or a server reveals his favorite items on a menu? This is all unlikely because restaurants have a financial interest in us eating more and not less and generally do not have our health or weight in mind but it could be interesting. I’ve had servers, especially when dining in a group, say “I think you have enough food ordered” which never seems to offend.
And then I started to think that a waiter’s comments might not be that different from calorie counts on menus. Whether we want to know or not, we now see just how many calories that Starbucks scone has (440). Do people feel this is rude or that it’s a not restaurants’ place to tell us this? No, for the most part, buzz kill aside, people feel it’s good information to have. So when it comes to observing a hit and run, I might not speak up if the person seemed scary. With breastfeeding in public, booby covered I’m fine. And if a waiter suggested I add a side of kale to my dinner, I might have to kiss him. If I did, “what would my husband do”?
Do you think it’s a waiter’s place to steer customers in a healthy direction? Do you like or dislike calorie counts on menus? And do you think we actually know what we would do until we’re in the situation?
I have actually been in a few different asian restaurants who have told my husband .. i think you've ordered enough already! lol
He likes to order a lot of food and try a little of everything. I think Americans are one of the only cultures who aren't intrusive like saying.. oh you'll get fat or you look fatter this week. When we have been around other cultures they didn't hesitate to say anything like that.
I think there CAN be a tactful way of doing it. Do I know that way..? hmmm not sure.
In my food mgmt class I recently learned that the waiters "favorite" menu item or that nights special is often a product they're told to push either before it goes bad or because they are profitable items (often fish and pasta dishes). It would be in restaurant owners best interest to push vegetable sides, some of the easiest dishes to mark up for a high profit margin. I'm for it!
I don't know if I would receive that suggestion from a wait-person very well. But, I have been known to ask the waiter for suggestions that are healthier than not, since I already have to ask about ginger in foods. Tone and delivery are so important as well. An unsolicited healthier suggestion from a waiter may not be well-received, but I would be really happy if nutrition info would be available so I could make a more informed choice on my own.
Most people know when they are overeating, or ordering the "bad thing" off the menu. Anyone who has ever been a friend or a partner to someone with an eating disorder knows that this person can not be talked out of overeating, and even if you can, in that moment, stave off that particular binge with a few kind words, it will only manifest later in a bigger binge. What is a side of kale going to do when the person is ordering the burger with the cheese, bacon and fried egg? And is the waiter suggesting this because he/she is grossed out or annoyed that this fat person is overeating or is this really for the betterment of the overeater? I think, when suggesting anything, particularly to a stranger, one must ask, am I doing this selfishly or out of true care and concern.
Agree and disagree. While people know when bingy, they don't know what better/worse options are. I was at Crumbs yesterday and customers were depating the surprises on the calorie counts. As for the side of kale or salad, I think it does do something…it gets nutrients, fiber and maybe a more balanced meal into someone. I agree this can't be geared toward only those overweight but what if all servers pushed deliciously prepared veggie sides….
Now THAT is something I can agree with TOTALLY. I would LOVE it if–no matter what I was ordering–the server suggested some healthy addition, for everyone. I would most likely jump right on it. I guess I just shuddered at the thought of the overweight person being kind of "singled out."
Great post Lauren! I agree with Marie and think an unsolicited suggestion won't be taken kindly. Also, being a dietitian, I don't believe a waiter has the education or ability to be giving nutrition advice to customers. We wouldn't want our waiter doing a physical exam on us at dinner, so why would we want a nutrition check-up there either.
I think, just like many things that are said in life, it depends on the context and how it is delivered. An appropriate response from a waiter could be "we have a great kale salad tonight or I recommend this veggie dish etc." But for the waiter to suggest not ordering something b/c it is unhealthy, especially if the person happens to be overweight, I think is a bit rude. I agree with Brooke, if someone is indeed overweight and maybe shouldn't be ordering a side of fries, a waiter is not the appropriate person to dispense this advice. There are just certain lines that socially shouldn't be crossed.
nope its a personal choice what they order
I've worked in the restaurant industry for many years. Most of the wait staff could give a damn what you are eating and are most likely not into giving you more than what the special is. I run into this a lot with my staff when my customers/clients ask "whats in this?" and they have NO idea even though i give them a full run down, menu cards with each item and menu ingredients. I still get phone calls from customers asking where the GF/veg/vegan foods are. (even though they are clearly marked) being a health conscious chef is hard too… because most people still dont get it and want dusty cheese cubes and bacon every day.
It's up to the consumer to be informed and order whatever they choose. Calorie counting seems ridiculous, like you know alreay it's ALOT of calories behind the dessert counter so why bother. Treat are ok when they are in moderation we don't need to feel the guilt too.
Cupcake
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Love the feedback. Yes, it's personal, no it shouldn't be rude but I'm just thinking that if waiters used their clout to push veggies or salmon that it could be a worthwhile tool. I don't think they should dispense health advice but rather than up-sell they could health-sell (or not). Food for thought, love the input.
Such an interesting post. I have no problem at all with a waiter suggesting (to all patrons, not just the overweight ones) certain more nutritious items. In the context of, "Would you all like to try the spinach. It's delicious!" I do have an issue with a waiter dispensing judgment or advice in a restaurant setting, with telling someone not to order something. Going to a restaurant is a treat and we should be able to order what we want without getting a mouthful from the waiter…
Quite honestly, I don't think it's the waiter's place to recommend what a patron should eat. Perhaps this overweight person eats a healthy diet 99% of the time, and this was her one "cheat" meal of the week. You never know.
As for calorie counts, I am ALL for them. People need to make informed decisions, whether or not they actually use the calorie counts to guide their choices, they should know full well what they are eating.
Hi Lauren! Thanks so much for stopping by.
If a real life waiter made the suggestions in a rude way like in this scenario, I think he would definitely be handling the situation the wrong way, but as a health-conscious person, I would LOVE it if my waiter/waitress automatically gave me healthy menu alternatives. I always ask anyway so it would save me the effort and from always feeling like the annoying customer for making so many special requests! 😉 I think this is tricky though because if this were to occur with a table full of thin people, no one would give it a second thought, but if it were overweight people, no matter how tactfully it's presented, people will assume it was done maliciously. Perhaps this could work if the waiter only did this when recommendations are solicited by the customer…?
As far as calories on menu, I think this is the BEST thing restaurants have done and I think eventually they should all be required to do it. I do agree with you that it's much better for the consumer than the restaurant though, but I do know firsthand it encourages better choices. I try to go online and print off nutritional information (if I can find it) before going to a restaurant and bring it with me to help me make a good choice. I've had girlfriends who aren't as health-conscious see me with my nutritional menu and say "let me take a look at that," then after realizing what they planned to order is 1300 calories, they've changed their order. I consider it a personal victory when this happens and celebrate inside! Lol! 🙂
P.S. That is so awesome that you have worked with Tyra's nutritionist, btw. I am actually considering going back to Grad school in the fall for Nutrition and looking into becoming an RD. Would you happen to have any great program recommendations? I'm open to relocation.
I LOVE when there are calorie counts on menus. Sometimes, it's really hard to estimate calories because it can be hard to know how something is cooked or prepared or what is served with it. I always appreciate the info, and I can decide if I'm going to be healthy or if it's a splurge!
Lauren,
What a great topic!
I think that unsolicited advice, especially from a stranger with a conflicting interest is never welcome.
On the other hand, information helpful for decision making is not only welcome — it’s our right as consumers. That’s why calorie counts, allergen information, and codes for special diet compatibility (vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, fiber rich) next to item menus are very useful.
change out food for pretty much anything else, and then do you think someone else should have the right to tell you what you can and can not buy?
How about changing out the "fat person" with a "thin person" because a thin person overeating is just as unhealthy. I know several "thin people" who have attrocious diets. I eat way better then them even though I have 50lbs on them. It is just the way our bodies work.
Seriously, I don't think we should give out unsolicited advice on anything (and this is not unsolicited since you asked) How YOU choose to live your life is up to you. It isn't like anyone on this planet doesn't have a clue as to waht is healthy and what is unheathy in general (the specifics are still up for debate aka eggs are healthy, they aren't. coffee is good for you, no it isn't, yes it is)
I do think calorie counts on menu items are completely different then someone telling you what you ordered was inappropriate, or that something is more appropriate. Calorie counts posted on a menu is passive. Just as the menu is passive. Although they aren't the whole story, because I believe a fruit plate with a higher calorie count is healthier for you then say a bagel with a low calorie count.
and just for the record 🙂 I eat kale a lot, so yes, I'd love a side of kale with that..